Photography

I gave Sam her camera yesterday morning and helped her sling the band around her neck. She held the camera as if it were always part of her and looked up at me lovingly. She than gave me a gentle hug and kiss. She was very happy. It was a gorgeous day, so we went outside and we took a "hike" around the perimeter of the facility. Sam would stop periodically as her legs would get tired from holding them up while i was pushing her in the wheelchair. Each time we stopped I asked her if she wanted to take a picture. Sometimes she did and sometimes not. Her pictures were pretty good, and I actually can say that they are better than anything I could do. She is as we all know very imaginative and resourceful and so when the camera seemed too heavy for her to hold up, she leaned it on her stomach and aimed the lens and took the picture. I wasn't expecting those pictures to be any good, but in fact they were perfectly focused on her subject. After it got a little too warm outside, we went into the car and I drove through the "drive-through" window at McDonald's, which has become our habit, and picked-up a strawberry banana smoothie for Sam. She loves them and always seems amused when we do this. We then went over to Joan and Bill's apartment (where I stay on Saturday nights) and we hung out for the rest of the afternoon. I had already picked-up lunch for Sam and we sat and "talked" (I do all the talking, because Sam has stopped talking for now), took naps and watched some TV. She did manage to say a few words to me yesterday though, which was surprising, she said "I love you a lot, and I've been meaning to tell you this for awhile". She also said she misses me. I was very touched, and told her the same. When we returned to the facility at 5:00 pm (I request "day passes" for Sam on the weekends now, from around 10:00-5:00), there was a big crowd upstairs in the "living room" area, with everyone watching T.V. We parked ourselves in front to see what everyone was watching, and it turned out to be a Fleetwood Mac reunion with Stevie Nicks performing. Everyone was transfixed...I imagine because most of the people there are former hippies. However we too were fascinated. I asked Sam if she remembered that she used to do a terrific Stevie Nick's impression that would crack-up our friend Aileen (she always laughed so much it turned to tears) and Sam did remember, I could tell. She started laughing right away an mouthing very quickly what would have been her impression. if she were making sounds. We sat there for a long while and Sam took my hand to hold in hers. As odd as it sounds, it was a wonderful way to end the afternoon.

Sam's Understanding

I had a great weekend with Sam. I took her out for the day on Saturday. I first drove with her through a McDonald's drive through window to get Sam a large strawberry milkshake. She was amused by it all. I also drove by a lot of shops and shopping centers and Sam really was interested in going into some of the stores. I told her that we might try doing some shopping next weekend. We then went to Joan and Bill's apartment and stayed there all day. We were able to watch the new artist show on Bravo, and comment on it together. Sam was fascinated by it all and made some faces at the artwork. She even said out loud at one point..."I have some better pieces than that"...which of course is true and of course is the statement that any decent artist would make after watching the show. We had a lot of fun watching it together. I realized over the weekend that Sam's short term memory seems to be getting much better. In the afternoon, when I asked her about the milkshake, she remembered it was strawberry and that it was from McDonald's. She in fact remembered the whole morning, which was terrific. I had also brought Sam her camera for the weekend, and I just put it around her neck. She had a great big smile on her face when I did that. Although she didn't take any pictures, she held onto the camera and was quite content to have it as part of her being. We were also very affectionate with each other and that was really nice. On Sunday, we went to Inner Art class and Sam made a beautiful painting. She also shared her work with everyone at the end of the class which was amazing, as she used her voice to tell everyone that her piece was "heartfelt". The class gave her a round of applause. Also, one of the CNAs who works with Sam a lot, told me a wonderful story about her. On Thursday morning when Andrea, the CNA, went in to wake Sam up at the usual time- around 7:00 am, Sam was already up, wide awake in bed. Andrea was surprised and said "Sam- you're up already?". Sam used her voice and said, that she'd been up for awhile and was "very upset". Andrea asked her why she was so upset and Sam said "because this is all very hard on Marcie- It's all very hard on her". Andrea said she started tearing up when Sam said that. Andrea told Sam that she was getting much better and pretty soon, Sam would be back home with me. I was very touched by Sam's words, and of her understanding, which some days runs deep.

Memorial Day Weekend

For the first time in about 6 months, I was able to take Sam home for a few days over the Memorial Day weekend. The first thing I noticed was that Sam has gotten much stronger physically and her level of understanding has grown as well. She was able to transfer to the car much more easily than in the past and could sit up for much longer periods of time. Overall it was wonderful to have Sam home and we had a great weekend. On Saturday, Ipicked Sam up early and our fiends Lisa and Tony came-up for a visit. We were able to help Sam outside to our little deck (with a bit of effort negotiating some tough spots) and sat out there all afternoon. Our friends Wendy and Aileen also joined us later in the day. Sam was doing quite well on Saturday. One of the highlights was when Lisa presented Sam with a beautiful framed photograph that Lisa had commissioned for Sam. Sam looked at it and tried to say something, but no words were coming out. I was able to interpret for Lisa and told Lisa that Sam really likes the piece. Lisa then looked at Sam and said "Do you really like it Sam?" I suggested to Sam that she try and clear her throat so she could tell Lisa what she really thought about the piece directly. Without hesitation, Sam cleared her throat and said out loud "Lisa, I am deeply touched" I think we all started tearing up. Lisa was able to talk to Sam about all the art shows she and Tony had seen in the last few weeks and noted the ones that she thought Sam would have especially enjoyed. Sam was thrilled to be in her element and be listening to her friend talk about art with her. It was great. After all the energy that Sam put out on Saturday, Sunday, in contrast found Sam needing to sleep the majority of the day. She did want to watch an opera on channel 13, which bored me, but it felt kind of normal...Sam watching something intense and artistically based, while I got bored with it and wanted to do something else. On Monday, Sam again was quite content, lively and her level of understanding was deeper than in the past. She also was talking out loud a lot more than she does at the facility and for the most part, ate well too. It was hard for me to bring her back on Monday evening, but Sam seemed fine with it. It was like she had taken a vacation and now she was headed back home. She was happy, and that was good. We had a fun ride back, as Sam vetoed certain songs on the radio and turned up the volume on others. When we arrived back and the nurses asked Sam how her time at home was, Sam replied out loud "wonderful, wonderful". The nurses couldn't believe Sam was talking. Neither could one of the neighbors near by, who said "she talks" (I actually didn't know that that particular neighbor could talk either). Sam wanted to sit in the common room with the large screen TV. I noticed that there was a Meg Ryan all day movie festival taking place, and I told Sam that she was in luck! Sam laughed out loud. When she was well, Sam would not have watched a Meg Ryan film even for a second. When I left, I told her to enjoy the festival and again she smirked that Sam smirk and waved goodbye.

Progress?

On Saturday, I was able to be with Sam in Physical Therapy and she walked up 4 big stairs just by holding onto the handrail and with the PT holding onto her! She then walked down 7 small stairs. This was the first time I've seen Sam doing stairs and I was really impressed. Sam is absolutely amazing and is getting physically stronger. The therapists are also working on her balance and so I stood on one side of Sam holding her arm and the therapist on the other and Sam walked the length of the gym back/forth with a number of rests in between for almost a half hour. That too was amazing. Sam also decided to talk with us during therapy. I was surprised because Sam really hasn't been talking. In fact, this week I learned that Sam has not reached her goals in speech class and after two months of changing her goals and changing her medications, the Speech therapist, Meghan, has actually had to stop individual speech class with Sam. I was extremely upset, but Meghan said that this can happen with anoxic brain injuries. She said that Sam has great potential (unlike some of the other patients) and so might be back working with her in another month or so, and that they are monitoring her. Sam in fact still has her group speech therapy class along with all the other therapies and other type classes, such as tai chi/breathing class. It is true that Sam has been speaking very little on the weekends, but I just assumed that she was speaking more in her classes. This obviously was not the case. Sam also has developed a really bad problem with eating...or I should say not eating/spitting out her food. This problem has gotten worse over the last few weeks. I've asked the head nurse to see if the recent change in medication might be causing this, since it all seems to have happened around the same time. However, with all this said, Sam was speaking-up a storm on Saturday and even did karaoke on Sunday during the all day radio request show. The person in charge asked Sam to pick-out a Queen song and she picked out "Bicycle" . When the song was playing, Sam sang the chorus out loud every time..."Bicycle, Bicycle, I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike...I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like......We also were able to spend time on Saturday at Joan and Bill's apartment and Sam sat in the lazy boy chair, legs stretched out watching the big screen TV....she was so relaxed. It was wonderful to see her like that. We were able to be there for three wonderful hours and then returned to the facility. I do think Sam needs to get out for awhile and next weekend, Memorial day weekend, I will be bringing her home for a couple of days. After a really nice weekend with Sam, when I went to say goodbye to her on Sunday, she hugged me briefly and then pushed me away. I asked her if she was mad a me... and she said "yes". I said are you mad because I'm leaving you and she said "yes". I told her that if I could, I really would just want to be there with her and spend all my time by her side...she gave me a big smile and I gave her a big kiss.
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New computer

This weekend I finally got Sam a computer and she is very happy to have one. Thanks to Wendy and Aileen, who visited over the weekend, Sam's computer got set-up properly. She now has her own email account at samorris1961@yahoo.com For those who wish, please send Sam emails directly to her and then she and I can read them and can respond together each weekend. When Aileen was setting up the computer she asked Sam if she already had an email account -and without hesitation Sam said yes and recited her old MMA account. Sam can type a bit on the computer but needs assistance to remember how to turn it on, how to use it in general and even to remember it is there. However, she was excited to watch msnbc clips of Rachel Maddow's show - especially the cocktail hour clips and was just very generally engaged. We went outside Saturday afternoon and strolled around the grounds. Wendy took lots of great pictures. As Sam's stamina becomes better, I've noticed that her daily schedule has been filling-up. Besides from her physical, occupational and speech therapies every day - Sam's schedule also includes the following:
8:00am- Breakfast
9:15 - Preview and Plan
10:30 - Information Processing
12:00 - Personal Best
1:00 - Lunch
3:00 - Mind and Body Arts
4:00- Creative Engineering
6:00 - Dinner

No wonder she is tired when I see her on the weekends! She works extremely hard during the week. On Sunday when I came in the facility, the aides stopped me right away and told me that for the first time, Sam almost went missing this morning....apparently Sam took the elevator downstairs by herself and went onto a different unit. She has never done that on her own before. When I asked Sam why she had gone downstairs, she told me that she just wanted to go "exploring". It's a good sign.

Our 16 Year Anniversary

This past Wednesday, April 28th, 2010, Sam and I celebrated our 16 year anniversary together. This was the first time since we met that we weren't together on our anniversary. Not knowing what Sam's state would be during the week, I had decided not to visit on Wednesday, but instead to talk with her about our anniversary over the weekend. It is thanks to all of our amazing friends that I was able to get through the week and a special thanks to Wendy, who celebrated her 50th birthday on April 28th as well. Wendy gave Sam and I a very special surprise present for our anniversary. She coordinated and gathered over 20 people mostly from our neighborhood, but all who either knew Sam and I before this happened, or have been involved in our lives in some way over the past year and a half. Wendy gathered everyone last Saturday and had them all work on our house, our deck, side garden, back yard, gutters, everything. It was a total makeover for the outside of the house. Everyone was told to bring a plant and had their job to do during the day. I arrived home late Sunday evening and was so overwhelmed by the transformation and the overflowing of flowers, that I couldn't stop crying for awhile. This is what Wendy wanted for her 50th birthday present...to give Sam and I a special place. to come home to. Yesterday, when I saw Sam I couldn't wait to tell her about it all, and right away I started crying again. Sam very lovingly, took my head in her hands and pulled me to her, comforting me. When I got myself together, I then told her I had been very sad during the week, and again, she pulled me close, but this time gave me a big hug. she looked around for a minute and then pointed to the bed and told me to go lie down. She was looking after me. Later that morning, we went and sat outside and enjoyed the beautiful weather before it got to hot. We just quietly held hands. The whole weekend continued in this way, quiet but loving.

Doing Stairs

Bill called me tonight just to let me know that he saw Sam in the gym this afternoon with the physical therapist and with Meghan the speech therapist. Sam was doing stairs and Meghan was having her count ...1, 2...1, 2 each time she went up and down. Bill said she was doing great and in good spirits. He was impressed and just wanted me to know. This past weekend too was terrific. On Sunday, Sam had her special one-on-one hour long painting class which then rolls into the regular "Inner Art" session which lasts for 2 hours. Sam's stamina was great and she painted 3 beautiful works. Dahalia is having me paint now as well, and in fact it was a lot of fun to be painting alongside Sam. We shared each others palettes a bit and were certainly influenced by each other. Dahalia suggested that we may wish to do a mural together...and both Sam and i thought that was a great idea. When Sam was well, we used to talk about doing joint projects together, as our work was so very different. We thought it might have been fascinating. Now it seems like that may actually happen. On Saturday, I had brought Sam's camera and put it around her neck. Sam's smile lit up the room. She automatically held onto the camera as if it were another limb. It really has always been a part of Sam and so it was nice to see that that has not changed. Sam also had a handmade joke book on her table, and at first she told me that she had made the booklet. I was very impressed, but latter realized that the booklet had been made by her roommate's niece and they had left it there for Sam because she was so enjoying the jokes. Here is one that both of us got a good laugh from:
Q. What happens when you throw a green rock into the red sea? A. It gets wet!