Saturday Visit

Some days for Sam are better than others, but more often than not, it is during the course of a single day that both ups and downs take place. This is true for me as well. The emotions are intensified too in such a short period of time. Sam was quite calm yesterday and a bit tired from the previous nights activities, although she needed to be reminded of what had happened. Wendy and Aileen visited her early on during the day and I overlapped with them just a bit. When Sam and I were by ourselves, I showed her some pictures from past trips we had taken together. She liked the pictures alot, and vaguely at times would know a location, but mostly had to be reminded of where/when, the pictures had been taken, etc. This is not unusual but my emotions got to me yesterday just a bit. When I got myself together, I told her how much I loved her and that the love we share with each other is very special. She was looking at me quite intensely as I said this to her and then, after a pause, she said in the loudest voice I have ever heard her use, "yes it is"...."yes it is". What struck me about this, besides from her voice echoing out into the hallway for the first time, was that she had used a particular gesture too when she said those words to me which I have not seen in a very long time. It was the way in which she moved her head down slowly and leaned in to speak with me that was striking. It was a gesture that she use to use in the past when she was well and wanted to get a point across. It was a true "Sam" gesture and her being at her most sincere. That was a wonderful moment, as I long for such glimpses of the "old" Sam, as the "new" Sam slowly unfolds. Later on in the afternoon, I found a good Jazz station on the radio and Sam responded immediately. She was moving her head to the rhythms and even her hands were playing some of the instruments. Sam has always loved Jazz so when I asked her if she liked the music, she said yes, it made her feel (she took her time trying to find the right word)...comfortable. We both listened in this way for about an hour until the nurse came in to put Sam into bed. Instead of using the "lift" as it is called, the nurse asked for my help and together, we pulled Sam to her feet, did a pioret, and then put her into bed. Sam had stood for just a moment (with our help), but the three of us seemed to recognize this tiny accomplishment. When I said goodnight to Sam and told her I'd see her in the morning, she then surprised me once again and asked me "what time will you be here tomorrow?" I was shocked to hear such a question from Sam since first, it is very hard for her to put together such a long sentence, especially at the end of the day, and then it was such a "normal" statement. Would she really know tomorrow if I arrive at the time I say I will? I told her that I'd see her at 11:00 am tomorrow and then we waved goodnight.