4 Times More

I held my breath this evening when I walked into Part Terrace to visit with Sam. I didn't know what to expect after the difficult weekend. When I arrived Sam was in the main dinning room watching TV with all the others and she greeted me warmly. I could tell right away that at least she was doing well and in a good mood. She was being very loving with me all evening and when I said to her "I love you sweetie", she looked me right in the eye, took my hand and said "I love you 4 times more". As she was holding my hand she noticed that I had a slight scar and asked me about it. I told her that I had burned myself slightly opening the oven door. She put her fingers gently over the scar and said she would heal it for me. She held my hand in hers like that for a very long time and I was very moved by her gesture. I thought about putting my hands on her and trying to help her heal, but the thought made me very sad, so I just let her healing hands hold onto mine.

Faith and Hope/Weekend Update

Due to the medication changes, it was the first real difficult weekend I have had with Sam. It all is comparative of course, so after seeing great progress with Sam's awareness levels last weekend, this weekend instead there was great confusion and odd/made-up stories as if talking about real life. I have not seen Sam this way for many months (probably @4-5 months). Throughout the weekend however, she was still "Sam" and still very aware at times. She was happy, but at what price..... For me, one of the most difficult trials is watching Sam change as the doctors try different medications or dosages of medication on her. She has made good progress, but it all seems so fragile. I understand that it takes awhile for the body to adjust to the changes in medication, but witnessing those changes challenging beyond belief. One needs great faith and hope.

On the positive side, Sam is getting physically stronger and she is doing quite well in physical therapy. Also, Sam did have a friend/colleague visit her this weekend and Lynn brought her dog "Pudding" along with her as therapy for Sam. The visit went well, and Isabella and Luigi kept their distance from Pudding, a Yorkshire Terrier and the same size as Luigi and Isabella. That one hour with Lynn, Sam, Pudding, Isabella and Luigi was lovely.

Vanna White

Tonight Sam seemed to be doing quite well. I can tell that her awareness of her surroundings, and her short term/long term memory have really improved. As a result however, she is much more emotional and upset at times and therefore today they increased some of her medicines. Tonight though was just lovely. We watched Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune- which has become our usual. When Wheel of Fortune came on the T.V., Vanna White was in the opening scene on a balcony on the stage, waving to everyone. Sam turned to me and said, "I want to push her off the podium and then she'll fall right onto the wheel ....the Wheel of Fortune."......and Sam and I both started laughing really hard. Sam's sinister sense of humor was shining through and it was good to see it back, to see a glimpse of her sarcasm ...even if just for a little bit.

Home With Sam

I decided to pick Sam up from the facility on Saturday morning and give her a tour of New York City. It was a beautiful sunny day and I pointed out many highlights for her, which I know she recognized. I had planned on driving down Fifth Avenue, in front of the Metropolitan Museum of Art, but little did I know that there was a parade taking place that day and so Fifth Avenue was blocked. I did manage to have her peek down the side roads to the Museum and she recognized it immediately. She wanted us to go inside the museum so that people could see us together. I then drove us over to the Henry Hudson Parkway and it was a beautiful drive. When we passed the sign for the Cloisters, Sam asked if we could go visit. I Immediately thought to myself of just how inaccessible the Cloisters is for people in wheelchairs and so told Sam perhaps another time. Sam knew the roads we were driving on, as we have been driving these roads for many years and that was lovely. I could tell that Sam definitely has become more aware of her surroundings, with a deeper level of understanding and I even think her short-term memory has improved somewhat. We had a very quiet weekend together but simply lovely. Even our cats, Luigi and Isabella seemed to return to their old ways with Luigi sleeping next to Sam and Isabella next to me.

On our way back to the facility on Sunday afternoon we passed a Mobile Station and Dunkin Donuts. I quizzed Sam (a bad recently developed habit of mine) and asked her what happens at a Mobile station...she looked at me oddly and said "we get gas for the car" and then I asked her what about at Dunkin Donuts and she said "I get Krullers". I loved the Kruller response, since Sam always did get Krullers when at a Dunkin Donuts. It probably has been years since she was at one, but I saw it as a sign of her improved long-term memory. Although Sam was mad at me for taking her back to the facility, once we arrived and familiar people there started greeting her, her mood changed and she was like a shining star. Everyone wanted to know how her weekend was and she very loudly, and repeatedly stated over and over again to all those who asked ... "Great!"

Weekend at Home with Sam

Sam spent Friday night until Sunday afternoon at home in Yonkers. We had a good time this weekend, and it was great to have her home. One friend/colleague whom Sam had worked with for many years at the Met visited on Saturday, and although Sam was a bit tired, she remembered Mary very well. The rest of Saturday was spent lounging with the cats and taking naps. On Sunday morning we slept in, and had a big breakfast of Sam's favorite foods...pancakes with blueberry/chicken sausage and fruit. Sam happily ate everything. I had suggested that we go on the computer and Sam could blog a piece -in her own words. Sam said to me "blog?" "what am I going to say?" and I told her that I would try and help her think it out. However, Sam was just a bit too tired to do the blog, but maybe the next time she is home. I may try and take her home again this weekend, or alternate weekends, I'm not quite sure at the moment. I will get a report on her progress this week, which I think has been slow and inconsistent over the last two weeks, but overall moving in the right direction.

The Bench

Yesterday morning, Sam and I went downstairs and outback in the courtyard of the facility. We found a nice shady spot and sat down on the bench and Sam was in her wheelchair. Sam then told me that she wanted to sit on the bench. Since I have been trained in "transfers" with Sam, I thought to myself, why not...and together we carefully transferred to the bench.. Sam said she felt "normal". I watched her very carefully because her core stability is still being strengthened along with her trunk control. I had brought her camera and decided it was a good time for her to try and use it. I put the camera around her neck and let her do the rest. She took a lot of pictures and it wasn't before long that she started taking pictures of me. As soon as I can figure out how to download them to the computer, I will certainly post them on this blog. Sam managed to sit-up properly while taking pictures for well over a half-hour but when she started to lean a bit, I asked her if she would be more comfortable back in the wheelchair. "Yes" she said, and so she we transferred back and went upstairs for lunch.

Take Me Home

Sam was in good form last evening. She was flirting with me, wanted just to go home and to share our bed together. She believes that home is Brooklyn. Brooklyn is where we spent the best 14 years of our lives together, so no wonder she believes Brooklyn is home. We barely had a chance to set-up in our new house together in Yonkers, before all this happened. I didn't tell her last night that we no longer live in Brooklyn, since it didn't seem necessary and it is truly where both our hearts are. I choose not to take Sam home this Labor Day weekend, because I was not sure if she would be fully recovered and second, I needed to recover as well from a very difficult August. I hope to take Sam home next weekend though and perhaps, if possible get into a pattern with her; alternate weekends home, weekdays at Rehab/Nursing facility. One day at at time though, as Sam said last night.

How are you doing?

Sam finally seems back to herself. In fact she seems a little more aware of things outside herself. This evening she asked me "how are YOU doing? I told her that I was a bit tired after a long day today and she said..."Go home and take care of yourself....get some rest". Wow. That was a pretty amazing comment coming from Sam and it was also almost a conversation. I was very touched by her concern. I also heard today from the nurses, that Sam was doing Karaoke again and it was just her and her roommate singing very loudly for most of the afternoon. I was thrilled to hear this news and when I asked Sam about her day, she said it was great.