Chompy

About a month and a half ago I gave Sam a stuffed animal called Chompy. Chompy is a very cute crocodile. Although Sam has moved away from stuffed animals in the last few weeks she still likes to keep Chompy around as it makes her feel close to me when I am not there with her......or at least this is what she has said. Last night I found Sam in the dining room looking very content and in her upper left hand pocket sat Chompy as if he were a handkerchief. Sam, with her new stylish haircut and Chompy sitting comfortably in her pocket both looked out at me in the most adorable way. Sam just looked fabulous. I know it sounds odd, but at that moment, Sam and Chompy made a lot of sense together and I know it was all of Sam's doing to sit Chompy comfortably in her pocket like that. I was impressed. Sam was in a good state, and we had a nice conversation about religion. Sam said that she had to explain in class that she was not religious nor was she a practicing catholic. However she is spiritual. She said that she didn't think people understood her very well and she felt a bit like an outsider. I'm not 100% sure such discussions take place in her classes, but I will check since normally there is quite a bit of truth to what Sam is remembering and saying. Sam also was flirting with me last night, and I of course responded in kind. "Sam" was very much herself last evening and I was very glad to be there with her.

Progress Report

Over the last couple of days I've heard from a number of Sam's therapists and had an updated progress report this afternoon. Sam is doing very well in cognitive and speech therapy. In cognitive they are very impressed with how she communicates and asks questions about her brain injury and her ability to retrieve information. In speech therapy, they are impressed with her verbal output (she talks a lot!), and is remembering a lot more. She also is doing quite well in Physical Therapy too. She has been upgraded as of today to solid food and to nectar thickened liquids. Formerly she had been on soft foods and honey thickened liquids. I was hoping for a final upgrade to thin liquids, which is the last step...i.e. water and such, but they are extremely cautious, and so it will likely be another two weeks before this can happen. This means that Sam still has her feeding tube in, since, they need to use it to hydrate her and for additional nutritional supplements. Also, I planned a "family day" in another week or so, and will be able to attend all of Sam's therapy classes and see for myself how the therapists work with her, and how she is responding.

Last night when I visited Sam, she was in good form. She asked me how my day was and I started to actually tell her in detail until I realized that I was going a bit overboard with my answer. I probably should have just said 'fine", but I know that I really wanted to talk with her. She didn't mind my answer, but I'm sure she was not following most of what I was saying. I also talked with her about some of her colleagues at work who sent their best wishes to her and I know that she understood who they were. When I couldn't come up with the name of one of her supervisors husband's name, she did (it was slightly off, but close enough to spark my memory!). I also now have a pass to take Sam out for the day, and so hope that within the next week or so, will have an exciting outdoor adventure.

Sunday Update/Aromatherapy

Well, just when I'm starting to flag, and my spirits are down, Sam seems to shine through. Yesterday Sam and I spent most of the day looking at her photographs, looking at pictures in magazines and sketching/writing. In the morning I had brought Sam some Iris's that were growing in our yard and which were very beautiful. Sam appreciated them and even their musty perfumed aroma. When we then started looking at her photo's and we came across a picture of a rose that was quite beautiful, Sam turned to me and said "do you want this picture?". It was very touching, since this is how Sam could give me flowers. - I accepted with pleasure. A little later on I asked her how she was feeling, and her answer was "vulnerable"....., "yeah", she said, "I'm feeling vulnerable." Again, it is sometimes remarkable how accurate Sam can be in describing her situation, and even a couple of her therapists have commented on this ability of hers. She once told the recreational therapist that "her circuits weren't connected, but otherwise she was fine." Yesterday too, when she asked if she could come home soon and I told her she needed to stay in rehab. just a little bit longer, she said, "yeah...I'm still shitty with memory...." Amazing how on target again she was and aware of what's wrong. She then asked that I bring in what she called "memory pictures" for her to look at and which could help her with her memory. Also, for the first time yesterday, when I asked her what day it was, she answered correctly..."Sunday"...then, when I asked her the month, much to my surprise, she answered correctly again..."May"..., I then pushed it a bit, and asked her to identify the year, and she started off slowly by saying 2000...something .... and then thought about it for awhile and ended up saying "2008". Sam has always been saying 1999 or 1998, so this too was progress. When Sam was sketching, I asked her if she could write her name and, much to my surprise, she not only wrote her name, but she signed her name in script, both as Sam Morris and then , without any prompting from my end, as Sandra Morris (her official name). Wow! In the afternoon, Wendy and Aileen arrived and brought a variety of herbs from their garden for Sam to identify. It was fun and Sam came close to identifing some of the herbs, but mostly we ended up chewing on the mint and basil leaves and laughing a lot. All in all a very good day.

Saturday Update

Saturday was a somewhat uneventful day. Sam was relatively content all day, and sometimes that means she is in a more unaware state. Sam's short-term memory was not functioning very well as she repeated herself a bit, but otherwise, Sam and I enjoyed ourselves with a number of simple activities, including watching T.V., reading just a little, and taking a stroll outside in the back "garden" area, which is part of Park Terrace. Sam has been on some new medication since the end of April for memory stimulation, and I'm not sure it is working, in fact I wonder sometimes if it is having the reverse effect, but I will check with her doctors and therapists on Tuesday about it. I've seen Sam both remembering a lot more at times, over the past few weeks but also-mainly- having more difficulty in retrieving words and memories. She also seems too to be in her own world a bit more, but it is hard for me to truly gauge. Today, I'm going to bring Sam a lot of her own photographs to look at and hope that she will be interested in them and in a more aware state.

Dreaming

When I arrived this afternoon, I found Sam in the Dining Hall, watching T.V. with a few other people. She looked like she had been crying, so I asked her if that was true and she answered in the affirmative. When I asked her if she wanted to tell me why she said "yes"... "I keep thinking I'm dreaming, but I just can't wake up". Leave it to Sam to be so insightful. Of course her comment made me start to tear up as well. I took her into the other room, so we could talk more privately, as Sam was actually crying a lot. She then told me that she had watched the movie that afternoon (they do show "matinees" most days) and she told me that it was a very sad movie and that she got all caught up in it. No one seemed to know what the movie was shown earlier in the day, but according to Sam it was a James Dean type movie. She said it made her think a lot about her family and got her sad. She also said that she did not like the shirt that she had on and could I please take it away from her, as she didn't want to wear it anymore. The shirt had been a gift from her mom, who had visited briefly with her father last weekend. The shirt definitely was not Sam, nor was the shiny running suit that her mom bought for her as well. I asked Sam if she wanted me to take away the running suit too, and she said "yes". Although the idea of "family" usually has good connotations, for Sam this is not the case. Last weekend's visit was traumatic and it seems to have triggered a lot of different emotions and memories for Sam, not all of them good. After dinner, Sam got recouperated and felt better as the evening progressed. By the time I left, she was quite content but exhausted, and ready for a good nights sleep.

Wheelchair Training

Wheelchair training was actually a lot of fun today. I got to take Sam outside the facility for the very first time and practiced pushing her wheelchair down the street and learning the proper way to cross at the corners. It was really nice to be outside with Sam and the person who did the training, Roger, was a very energetic and funny guy, which helped. I also was able to speak with a number of Sam's therapists directly today and they all had very good things to say about Sam's progress. I also learned from someone who had seen Sam in physical therapy recently that she is "amazing" with her walking. Apparently she can move very quickly and is getting stronger all the time. On the downside today, Sam was having a hard time with her short-term memory. Also, two of the people that I (and Sam) really liked in her room where moved to another floor and in their place where two new patients. Sam's main nurse who has taken great care of her this whole time just left for a two week vacation, so these changes, at least for me are actually very hard to take. Sam was fine with it all so I hope that I will eventually get adjusted as well.

Sam

Last night, Sam and I had what I would consider our first real conversation. At first, we looked at and read out loud to each other a book of "quotations" with pictures of cats in it. We then talked with each other about what the different sayings meant. Sam then started talking about the moment which she refers to now as her "accident". She said that it must have been hard for me, and how did I feel? I was amazed at this question, since it was the first time Sam has been able to engage in this way. I told her that it was extremely difficult and too hard to even put into words. Sam then said that she had had a lot of questions, but has been able to find the answers. She said she now has clarity and is remembering a lot which is hard, but it is good. She looked right at me and said "I've made my life with you" and started tearing-up. She referred to her tears as "happy" tears. She talked about how much she misses me and how she wants to sleep with me, to cuddle up next to me at night. I told her that we have been sleeping together for the last 15 years, and I miss her terribly as well. Our conversation continued in this way for awhile. She then said that she would like to be able to spend some time looking at her photographs. I told her happily that I will bring some of them in, and talked with her about which ones she wanted to look at. She was very much Sam last night and those few hours with her meant all the world to me.

Not a Straight Line

In the past week I have seen Sam in many different moods and states of clarity. We had a very emotional Sunday (last week), where Sam was expressing some very deep thoughts and crying and laughing at the same time. The last couple of nights Sam was in a much lighter mood , but not making much sense in what she was trying to talk with me about. I always need to remind myself that the healing process does not happen in a straight line, nor will Sam always appear to be moving forward. Her progress also needs to be seen from some distance, and I am not always able to step far enough away have that clarity. However, I was thrilled last night to see that the nurses no longer are using the "lift" to put Sam in/out of bed. Sam can now transfer from her wheelchair to the bed with an assistant, and so I watched in amazement as this occurred for the first time. Sam was a little wobbly, but it was fantastic to see her on her feet, even for just a moment. I was also informed earlier this week, that in physical therapy, using what is called a tabletop walker, Sam is able to now walk 30 feet. This is fantastic news. She is walking for the first time in 6-months! Also, Sam is itching to get outside of the facility, and I am trying to plan some "day" trips for her. In befriending some of the other family members at the facility, I have been told about a beautiful aviary and petting zoo, with nature walks and waterfalls nearby. Apparently, if I receive the right doctors permissions, and wheel chair training, I can take Sam over to the avairy for a rejuveniating afternoon. I can't wait.

Soon Enough...

I never know quite what to expect when I visit Sam, but tonight, she was really doing well. It is always hard to describe exactly what "well" means as it is all relative, but this evening, Sam was definitely more alert, playful, talking loudly, and aware. The minute I walked in, she said, "okay, let's go home now", and essentially that was the theme for the evening. She just wanted to be taken home. When I told her that she couldn't go home tonight, but soon enough...she said very defiantly, " Yes I can go home now, let's just go!". She also wanted me to help her get up and then she was going to walk out of there herself. I asked her if she was going stir crazy and of course she said very loudly "Yes". Well, I didn't take Sam home tonight, even though I really wanted to, but as I told Sam.....soon enough.

Holding Court

When I stepped off the elevator this evening, I did not see Sam in the hallway or in her room. Since dinner was over I didn't think anyone was still in the dining room, but went to check, since there really was no other option as to where she could be. As I got close to the room which from a distance appeared empty, I heard people laughing. As I walked in, and looked to my right, I saw a crowd of nurses and assistants all surrounding Sam. There was no one else in the dining room. Sam was busy gesturing with her hands and talking loudly as they were asking her questions and laughing in a good hearted way to all of her answers. Sam was in her element and was holding court. They told me that she was having a great day, was happy and was remembering a lot. They also said that "as you can see...she has been talking all day! " When the crowd broke up and I took her back to her room, her usual nurse was there and I mentioned what had just occurred in the dining room. She said "yeah...didn't you know....Sam is famous around here." I didn't know, but I was sure happy to hear all about it.

Get the Car

Sam was in rare form last evening. She was both clear in her thoughts and mischievous as well. The first thing she said when she saw me, was "get the car and lets go home". She said this with great authority. I laughed a bit and told her that we couldn't do that quite yet, but in a few weeks time (I've taken to exaggerating a bit with the time frame...I think perhaps its more for me than for Sam). Sam then said "I know" and then asked me again a few minutes later. She then changed the request a bit and asked if I could get a really big car out front and then "just get out of here". Again I was amused by her clarity and the fact that I too just wanted to scoop her up, put her in a big car and get the hell out of there. She also asked if I could take her outside to see the construction. I stopped to think for a moment and realized that there was an awful lot of construction going on outside. I asked her what in particular she wanted to see and she mentioned the construction across the parkway. I was amazed at this response and realized that Sam, who spends a great part of her day in the main room (for meals and activities) can see the parkway and all sorts of construction projects from out of the window. For her to remember this, is a good sign. I then asked her if she was bored and she laughed and said quite affirmatively "Yes". She also then wanted me to get into bed with her, and this too was quite hard for me to resist. It was certainly an interesting night with Sam. Earlier that day, I had also received some good news informing me that Sam had been upgraded to a "soft" diet from puree. This did not yet mean steak and broccoli, I was told, but rather burritos and such. Although her feeding tube still needs to stay in for awhile longer, this is certainly a step in the right direction.