Awareness

Tonight although Sam seemed very tired and kind of out of it when I arrived at Park Terrace, she turned to me when we were in her room and quietly said, "I'm sorry this happened to me". I told her I was very sorry this happened to her as well and that she must be sad/and or mad about it all. She said she was. I assured her that she was getting better and that she would only be in Park Terrace temporarily and then she will be able to come home and be with me and the cats. She cheered up a bit, but I was amazed at her clarity. She sometimes comes out with statements that are just so vivid and clear about her situation. It is a good sign.

Sam's Poem

As I was starting to do Sam's laundry yesterday morning, I noticed a piece of paper in one of her shirt pockets. Sam is always tucking things away in her pockets, which I have always found to be a rather sweet habit. I took the paper out and on it was a printed poem. I asked Sam if she had written it, and "yes" was her answer. After reading it I knew Sam had written it, as it was definitely her language. I asked Sam's permission to reproduce her poem on this blog and she happily approved, so here it is:

Good Words

Start writing
good words.
Stop thinking
brevity.
Gold tarnishes
our berry beer.
Strawberry icecream
spills on our feet.
I think about a lot of things
in the dungeon.
Statistics don't fall away.
Gingerbread houses shelter us.
Should we pile the words?


Sam always used to write poetry and so I was thrilled to find this treasure in her pocket. I hope that she can continue to write more poems. I assume that she did this poem in her speech class and that the therapist helped her to print it out. I'll try and find out more about it this week.

Also, Sam and I had a lovely weekend together and with friends/colleagues. Many people came by on Saturday and Sunday and Sam seemed quite pleased and happy. She also had her first slice of Pizza on Saturday and she had the best smile on her face while eating it. I took a photo of her eating the pizza and when I can figure out how to download it to this blog, I will do so... it is a great picture. Later this evening, when I took Sam back to Park Terrace she refused to get out of the car. She said she did not want to go back there and that the place was terrible. I needed to talk with her for awhile and try to convince her otherwise. It was very hard for me to do so, since it is hard for me to go "back" to Park Terrace as well. Every time I visit, I need to take a deep breath before walking in, and then afterwards it is okay. Sam said she was mad at me for taking her back, but fortunately by the time we got upstairs, and Sam had greeted lots of people, she was no longer mad. It was certainly tough to leave her there tonight as it is each evening when I leave Park Terrace.

A Very Good Evening

Sam had a great night tonight. It seems that just when my spirits are flagging, Sam manages to come through with a smile or a statement that reveals a deep level of understanding and it keeps me going for another few days. When I arrived to visit Sam tonight, I spotted her immediately in the hallway as I stepped off the elevator and I waved to her from a distance. Right away you could see her recognizing me and she smiled, waved and yelled out "over here Marcie" and then I could tell she was starting to get emotional. When I reached her, she put her arms all around me and we kissed and she told me how much she had missed me. It was a wonderful welcome. When we went into her room I saw that she had received some mail from her friend Lisa and so I looked at the envelope, but it had already been opened. I asked Sam about it and she said she had looked at it already...which was a nice statement from her because it showed me that her short-term memory was working. I looked around and found the card on the bulletin board and pulled it down to read. There was also a long 3 page letter inside the card. When I asked Sam what the letter was about, Sam replied "I don't know what the hell that is" (sorry Lisa)- but we both started laughing, because it was a really long letter and it would be really hard for Sam to take-in and read all at once. I had Sam read the card out loud to me and then I read highlights from Lisa's letter which she enjoyed. Also as we were sitting in her room, emergency folk walked by with someone in their stretcher and Sam asked me if I could close the door so we could have some privacy. I also think she is just tired of seeing the people in stretchers rolling by her door and it makes her sad...it would make anyone sad. Therefore I appreciated the request which was truly an acknowledgment of her surroundings. A little bit later, Sam who had been in an amorous mood all night, asked me if I found her attractive. "Absolutely" was my immediate response... I have always found Sam attractive ever since we first laid eyes on each other 15 years ago. Sam was pleased with my answer as we then hugged each other and kissed each other rather passionately, before saying goodnight.

Update

Since I last blogged, I've taken Sam home over the past two weekends for visits, spent a day with Sam in her therapy classes and have had a report on her progress from the last two week period. Overall, I've been told by Jenny, the social worker at Park Terrace , that Sam continues to do well in Cognitive and Speech class, but has stalled a bit in physical therapy. My sense overall is she is doing okay, but not great as I still feel that her medications are just a bit off. I did see her doing alright in cognitive and speech and it was fascinating to see how the therapists work with her, but she still has the repeating problem, and it doesn't seem to be going away. In physical therapy she is quite tired and it is hard for her to stand on her feet for long, although when I was in class with her she showed off for me and walked the length of the hallway back and forth with the "tabletop" walker. I've maybe lost a bit of perspective, but I know to trust my instincts and Sam was definitely doing better before the most recent change in medications about 3 weeks ago. However, this past weekend's visit went very well and Sam enjoyed seeing Lisa on Saturday and Sian on Sunday. Lisa talked to Sam about her artwork and read out recipes from old cookbooks that Sam use to use in her beautiful pieces. Overall Sam was quite inspired and lively. After Lisa left, Sam wanted to see more of her photographs and so we went through some of them together. I hadn't looked at Sam's photographs in awhile and was taken aback by just how beautiful they are. I made a mental note to myself to try and have some of them framed when I next have the chance. The following day, Sam was very sleepy during Sian's visit, but perhaps due to all the activity the day before. However, Sam recognized Sian right away and had a good time listening to Sian and enjoying the fire, in the fireplace, along with the cats.

Drawing in Darkness

This morning I ran into Sam's speech therapist who happened to have come in Saturday morning to finish up some work. She told me that Sam was really doing well and engaging with the environment in a way that they have not seen her do before. Pam told me that for instance, one day last week when Sam was in class, she was cold and instead of just saying "I'm cold, "I'm cold" which is what she has done in the past, she instead rolled her wheelchair over to the fan and shut it off. Pam also told me that they are now trying to teach Sam to roll the wheelchair with her hands, and she is starting to do it. This afternoon, I asked Sam to demonstrate this for me and she did. I was very impressed. On the down side, Sam has developed this tick where she constantly repeats the same word or words over and over again..especially when she is tired or bored. She seems to have some control over it but not much. I hope that eventually this will disappear, but will talk with people this week at the facility about it. Also, today in the afternoon I took out the "Buddha Board" for Sam to play with for a little bit. It is a way to paint with water on a board, and the more water you use the darker the picture you paint. The water slowly evaporates and you can use the board over and over again. The picture is mostly shades of gray. Sam spent about an hour painting today and at a certain point turned to me and said "I'm drawing in darkness". It seemed quite the poetic statement, and also quite a factual statement as well.

Good Therapy Reports

This week I received a report from Sam's various therapists and overall it was excellent! Apparently she is doing extremely well in cognitive and speech classes. Physical therapy lags behind just a little bit and then occupational therapy. This is the week that Sam's medications changed, and so I was surprised to receive such a positive report, since my interactions with her in the evenings have been mixed. I've experienced Sam being very confused, and reporting bizarre made-up stories that are rather disturbing. However, I have also seen some good changes, so with the positive reports, I will assume Sam is in transition. Last evening in fact was the first night Sam was doing extremely well. She is eating much better and is enjoying her days. She told the aid who was working with her last evening that I was a very good cook. That used to be the case when I actually cooked, which was when Sam was well. Sam also seems to want to see more people, and have visitors, so I might try and plan another gathering at home. Also, Sam is starting to use here feet to move herself about the facility n the wheelchair. This is a good sign, although she can't remember which room she is in, she knows the general direction quite well. I will be spending the weekend with Sam at Park Terrace, but hope to bring her home again next week.